GRIN

That's what you get. GTFO of my life :)

Huntin

I am a predator, I'm always hunting. Well maybe I have that backwards, maybe I'm not the hunter but the hunted. I think at one time I was a hunter, top of the food chain.. but not anymore. If I was Austin Powers I would have lost my Mojo. I don't really care to get to know you guy that I met at a party. It isn't that you aren't interesting, I just don't particularly care. I know that nothing will come of it except me having to turn you down and it being socially awkward whenever we all hang out. I just don't feel for anyone. I mean, lust is one thing. Anyone can lust after another. Sure we could have a go, but what will come of that? Again, nothing. It was just that. I just want friends, friends that I don't have to worry about losing. And it just so happens that I like guys more than girls. And that makes things complicated. Feelings get involved. One of us will get our hopes up, then crushed. Or it would work out? Isn't that how the movies work? Best friends don't realize they are in love until 3/4 of the way through the movie and they live happily ever after. That doesn't happen in real life. Well maybe, I thought it could. Or at least have a relatively neutral ending. Three years and I'll be gone, a whole new world.

This is my new favorite bumper sticker..

The word "Pitbull"

I just got back from our local Farmer's Market and I had an interesting experience involving my dog and other people. He is of course a Pitbull mix and you can look at him and say that. Big head, stocky body, beautiful basically :) But I brought him with me because dogs are allowed and it is always good to bring him out to meet new people and dogs. So we are walking to the market and a lady is sort of standing facing us. We get closer and I can see she is eying my dog with a sort of scared look in her face, meanwhile he is off in his own dog world sniffing everything happily wagging his tail. We get into speaking distance and she starts talking to me, but not waiting for a reply so mostly talking to herself. She keeps saying "oh are you friendly? oh are you friendly?" "You look mean, you look mean." "You look friendly, oooh you look friendly" and when we get close enough for him to walk up to her she starts backing off and he comes up tries to sniff her she is obviously afraid and I tell her he is just sniffing her and saying hello, but she is still afraid and she never breaks her view of him, as if he is going to viciously break free from my giant leash and eat her face. But as soon as he say she was not interested in him he kept walking. Literally 20 feet after the crazy lady a younger couple walk up and the girl right away starts petting Cash and they say how cute he is and are loving on him. With no hesitation, no fear of an attack, complete trust. It is amazing to me that crazy people like the first lady exist, I mean, I can see why but it is just weird to me. I have complete trust in almost any dog, unless they give me reason not to. I wouldn't even know if a dog is friendly or not and I would walk up to it, if it did something or seemed like it did not want me to get any closer than I wouldn't. But why would a person bring a dog that is not people friendly to a people place? As I kept going through the market, people kept petting him and some would eye him but most came up and pet him right away putting a big smile on his face and a fast wag of the tail. People always come up and ask what he is, when they know what he is. They say I saw him and thought he was so beautiful and I just couldn't figure out what kind of dog he was. And I say he is a Pitbull-Black Mouth Cur mix and they ooooh and awww and his "beauty", and I'm not just being full of my dog's beauty, this happens daily. And he is a beautiful coloring. But about 4-5 people or group of people came up to me and told me he was beautiful and asked what he was and pet him, and talked sweet to him and had no fear of him. I love those people. We were in line to get hot dogs and there was a family behind me with a baby in a stroller and a talking toddler. The baby kept trying to sit up to pet Cash, and Cash kept sniffing his little socked feet and the mom and dad were okay with it. They told me about their dog at home and how he looks like Cash and the baby pet him and the little boy sat down and was petting Cash and telling me about their pitbull and said "Pitboools are the tufffest dawgs evar!" and pet Cash on the head grabbed his hot dog and went on his merry little way. It was so cute. The world is a crazy place.

Last One

"Say now you loved me all along
What made you hesitate
to tell me with words what you really feel?
I can see it in your eyes
you mean all of what you say...

But I must confess
you're so much more than I remember
Can't help but entertain
these thoughts, thoughts of us together"

That's it. No more sad stuff. I have a good life. And this is my story.

I start my volunteer work at the SPCA of Sanford tonight. I am so excited to work with and help dogs. Even if it is picking up their poo. It will help when it is Cash's week to be at my parents. I love dogs. I think that they are the greatest thing put on this earth. I just don't understand how someone could hurt such a great creature.

I love Cash. It amazes me how loyal he is to me. All I did was decide that I wanted him, and he shows me gratitude for it everyday. Everytime I hear him I get a smile on my face. When he isn't here and I hear him on the phone I get anxious to see him again. He is my child. I (hopefully I'm not the only one) feels like it is my responsiblitiy to take care of him. He didn't ask to be brought into the world ( a cruel one at that) with first owners who didn't love him. And then to be brought to a shelter where I found him. He is my pride and joy, and he is only a dog! I can't imagine how much I will care for my own flesh and blood child. I just want to educate people on pit bulls. They are not vicious creatures, mine is quite sweet, and most of them are. It is horrible, horrible peole that make them vicious and unfriendly. I just hope that by working at the SPCA I can gain a better knowledge of dogs in general. I want to work with them the rest of my life. I can see no greater pleasure than handling and playing with dogs day in and day out.

Dermal Anchor

I want to get this, but three going vertical between my boobs. Diamond studded... well cubic zirconia really. I can't wait!!!

Okay I have been in DC for a couple days now. First day we didn't do much, just ate some food and went to see Avatar again at a really cool old theater. One of those theaters that only shows one movie and it has a big balcony and a giant screen. Then the next day we lounged around then got breakfast at a diner in Bethesda. It had amazing waffles... mmm waffles. We proceeded to go to the Mall to go ice skating. It was a lot of fun, Alexia can't skate. She required the help of the railing and we came in contact with the Ice Skating Nazi from hell. Holding hands while skating is a federal offense, can't be goofy, or funny and can't sing and can't take pictures. He was too senile to be in a public place. We went to the Natural History Museum after that and looked at some animals. Particularly the Dik Dik... my fav. Love the Dik Dik. We got some more food and Alexia went her way and Nick and I went ours. Came home and baked some delicious cookies and ate some yummy food and called it a night. Oh not to mention I woke up with a cold yesterday morning and this morning woke up with my nose ring booger glued to the inside of my nostrils. I sat around and waited for Alexia and headed to the Newseum. A museum that has to do with everything news worthy. I didn't get to do a bunch of stuff but I am going back tomorrow to get a better look at everything. I was really focused on the Pulitzer Prize section. It really intrigued me. I have always loved photography. But I never thought that I could have a real job with it but I mean I started tearing up looking at these photographs and hearing the photographers talk about their experiences. I think that is what I want to do. I don't know how I am going to do it but that is what I want to do. After wandering the museum for a little bit Alexia and I went to Adams Morgan, where I used to live before moving the the wretched hell hole of Florida. We ate at a Mexican restaurant and then started our journey down 18th Ave towards my old apartment. Adams Morgan is such a cool place, there are so many different cultures. So many restaurants and clubs, shops and street vendors. I am so mad that I do not live here. It is amazing. I love it. I don't want to leave. This cold is getting to me. I am so sleepy and I can't breathe. It is going to snow tonight and tomorrow morning. Going to the basketball game tomorrow night. Alexia, me, possibly her friend and Lee. That should be interesting, to say the least. Anyways. I am so excited for snow. I am staying up all night so I can go play in it :D

Okay, tomorrow is my only day off of work. I work 6 days this week and worked a double today. I am awaiting my grades from this semester..... A, A, C? Probably. Definitely two A's, not too sure on the last grade. Can't wait for five classes next semester... clubs/scholarship applications/classes/work is going to kill me. Oh well it will be worth it. I need to pick up a second job to get extra money but I really don't think I'll have time to do it. Without killing myself.

There is like a crazy amount of fog outside and you can't even see 30 ft in front of you, it is really dangerous and creeepy. It isn't very cold out but it is okay because I am gong to DC on the 5th and staying till the 10th. 5 whole days of no work, I can't wait! And I will have a layover in Atlanta so I can see people there. yay. Ahhh finish Christmas shopping tomorrow and then I will be set for Christmas and won't have to worry about that stuff.


Wes Pitts admitted that he was a creepy old guy today. Just so you know.

I am obsessed with Dexter.


No, not that Dexter. This Dexter..


I can't stop watching this show. It is so much better than any CSI I've ever watched. It is amazing. UHMAYZEEEEING. I wouldn't mind marrying him. I don't mind a serial killer. Okay, well maybe I do. But he is so lovable.

I'm sitting here eating soup, deciding whether to go to the gym. Then realizing that it is closed and so it doesn't matter. I guess I will be getting up early to head there. Boo.


I want pan-fried noodles. damnit.

I fell.

Why am I waiting for you to see I'm alive?

You know. I guess I should have seen this coming my way. Nothing is perfect. Nothing tends to work out as I hope it does. But that's life. It goes on and I go on. But an answer would be nice. An explanation.

You will blaze your path, hopefully. And I'll go on, again, blazing mine. I'll be happy to see you again if I do.

Went to Georgia, I loved it. I realized how much I really do despise Florida. It is December and it was in the mid-eighties today. The weather has got to be playing some cruel joke on us. I just don't understand why it is so hot here. If you live in the snow ridden areas and hate it and wish you could be at the beach in the sunny hot weather let me know. We can trade for a while, you'll soon see how horridly hot it is. We can do that whole "Holiday" trade thing like the movie. It'll be great.

This school year, although I am not enjoying it so much, is going to be good from here on out. Exams are over, winter break is here, and next semester is going to be tough. But I will fight till the death. I will get through it and on to the summer semester. Then I will be doing something incredible and amazing and I am just in such a happy bubble from it that I forget about my regular life sometimes. I will be going to Austria to study for a semester. It is going to be a lot of money. So I'm trying to figure out some ways to make money. I made a donation widget from Chipin.com , but I don't see much coming from that. But it is worth a shot. If you have extra money give it to me please? I am going to have a garage sale and sell a bunch of crap that I really don't need. I am going to live off of spaghettios and ramen noodles for the next months and clip coupons and work like a maniac. http://www.slideshare.net/secret/uHw399xRaShmii

So Austria is all I have in sight. My blinders are up and so is my armor. Can't break through. I will be in Austria in 7 months and I can't wait. I'm over it. I'm over being left out and forgotten. I did something recently that I have never ever done. I talked to a complete stranger about not small talk. I thought he was good looking and I spoke to him for that very reason. I was so nervous and worked up about it, but it was fine. There is nothing to be afraid of. No regrets. I've got some resolutions in mind, and that's one.

Oh and I'm really mad that I have gotten so used to my iPhone correcting every word I incorrectly write, because I have come to think that all electronics do it... but they don't. So I keep on typing when I've made a mistake and assume that it will take care of itself. Then I look back at an entry or a message and realize I look like a moron, but I just get so antsy about typing. I will slow down, or at least try. Enjoy it.

I am listening to Sinatra right now, he would probably have some good advice to give me.

Like a Rolling Stone

Changes. Everybody goes through them. I'm going through one. Everything is changing. The weather (hopefully), relationships, lives. I still hate school. Culinary school is a big possibility for me this summer. We will see. I am living off of redbull these days. Thank you 7-11 for being so darn close to my home. So these changes I have been speaking of... people in my life are changing roles. I seem to have lost a best friend. Well not seem to, I have. He, because of personal affections for myself, decided that a friendship could not keep working. He had to try too hard to be "just friends" and knew that I did not return the affections he had for me. (Whenever I write or say the word affections I think of Pride and Prejudice and imagine Mr. Darcy saying them outloud) So I was helpless in that situation, nothing I can do. I feel somewhat bad because I don't think about him all the time. I don't wonder if he's okay with how things are. Maybe I just feel pushed off and therefore feel like he's not worth my time. I spent years by his side. And then just kicked away ( for a good reason), so maybe my feelings are just. Maybe he will lose his feelings for me and we will be the way we once were. I don't know. I guess I am just suppose to not worry about it and live my life.

That's another change in my life. I am less worried. I have always been known as a mom. Even though I'm not. I always am prepared, worried about the time or being late or something or other. I don't care as much. I want to enjoy every moment that I have now, whether it is sleeping the day away or climbing up a mountain. I take off of work much more than I should and I do things that I normally wouldn't do. But you only live once and if I miss a few more days of work than what is acceptable so be it. I'm 20 and I hope I'm not in this same job at 30.

Changes, changes. My mom is an internet junkie now. She posts surveys and emails them to me and her other friends. Kind of like Myspace surveys. She watches youtube videos all day everyday. Sends me videos that I saw in highschool and are completely new and amazing to her. It is really cute and funny at the same time. She is using social networking sites to get in contact with her old friends and she is so excited. I am glad she has found her little niche in this new technological world.

My appearance is changing. I remember in highschool I would wear makeup everyday. I would have on crazy eye shadow color and eye liner to boot. I would have foundation, powder, blush and bronzer. And I hated the way I looked without it. These past 2 years I have progressively worn less an less makeup. I decided to put on a full face of make up the other night and found myself amazed at what I looked like. Purple eye shadow, thick eye liner and full mascara. I had so much foundation on (and it wasn't even a ridiculous amount) that you couldn't see the cute freckles I have, or the beauty marks or any definition on my face. I felt like I was inside someone elses body. It took me years to think that I was pretty. At least somewhat attractive. And that one night of make up made me feel prettier and less attractive at the same time. I felt less attractive in regards to the public view. I felt like I looked "sexier" with makeup on but felt less comfortable in my own skin. I like how I look naturally. I don't need a pound of makeup on to feel like I look nice. "Maybe she's born with it, Maybe it's Maybelline." eff you I was born with it!

I haven't ever been single for this long since I started dating. And I'm okay with it... I think. I know that I don't have the time for a relationship. That is probably what caused the last one to end. I don't have the patience for a lot of stuff especially when I know that it can easily be done the right way. And that is not directed at anyone. Just a thought. I guess the standards have been raised. I am always crushing though. Crushing hard. But nothing ever comes of it. It never feels right if anything does happen. Until a little while ago. That felt right. It felt like it should. Butterflies, anxiousness, happiness. The whole shebang. And it was unexpected. Maybe that's why it felt right. It wasn't planned out. Boring date, boring date. Nope. None of that. I like the unexpected. But will it work? Who knows. I don't know how people will feel about it. That shouldn't matter but I know it will. It always does. Will it ruin anything? I hope it doesn't and I hope that it hasn't already.

New stuff: rock climbing. I have a new obsession. I want to climb everything. I see a tree and I have the urge to climb it. I am good at it. I do need some more upper body strength though. It makes me feel accomplished and good about myself. I want to boulder. It scares me, but it looks really fun. I don't know how long it will take for me to get to that point but I want to do it. I love this whole new carefree Stacey. But I don't know if her GPA does. Nahh I think that being in a good mood makes me lucky. My professors love me and I love them regardless of whether the information is interesting or not. I think I did pretty well in my classes. Oh and look at these funny shoes. I bet they feel really weird on your feet..

My birthday was recent and I just don't understand how I am 20. I don't feel like I should be 20. I feel 16 still. I mean I am independent. I pay for everything on my own and don't ask for help. I am in college, work 5 days a week and have my own house and dog. But I still feel like a little lost kid. I am never sure of what I want in life. I want to accomplish so many things, but I also want to be done with school. I want to travel, but have no one to travel with. I want to meet people from all over the world and see all of it as well. I guess I will be lost for a while. I just feel so bad about myself when I meet people who are younger than me and seem like they are on the path they know is right and have hit no potholes along the way. How do I get like that? I am so depressed with the situation of my life. I mean day to day is just fine, I love the people I live with, nothing is particularly wrong in my life but I just don't see why my life isn't awesome. I don't have good friends anymore. Maybe 2 or 3. I don't enjoy a lot of people that I used to. I get very annoyed very easily. And I am horribly indecisive. I just want to go to work and enjoy it and come home and play with my dog. Maybe have a BBQ every once in a while. I am very okay with being alone and it frightens me.

Without you I was broken..

I've reverted back to my old solitary ways.
Working two jobs is exactly what I thought it was going to be; annoying and lots of money.
I can't decide which of the two is more important, but hopefully by the end of the summer I won't need numero dos anymore. I am just too stressed out and I really can't do this for much longer. School is just ridiculous and I can't wait for a regular semester to start again. I just want to be moved in with friends and have my dog with me and all will be well then. But I still have over a month left of this crap. Once this week is over it won't be as bad, less school work hopefully.. maybe I can get some change in my schedules that way I will work less. Oh and I miss you and you I miss a lot of you. Don't know when I'll see you next but I miss you.

And all I live for is this guy.

ding ding.

I wish I was a viking. All they had to do was be drunk, rape women and set shit on fire and handle very awesome ships. Can I get a "whoop whoop"? School didn't go as well as I thought it was going to. But it is alright, summer classes will fix everything hopefully. Look at that fine ass diaper. That is my ass soulmate. "When we move in together we will need extra wide dining room chairs." I feel like my thoughts are totally ADD. I don't normally think like that, but when I try and write anything down it comes out in a mixture of jumbled sentences. I need to get rid of all these jerks in muhh life. Bailing out on me and what not. Jerks. all of you.

My new glasses make me see things much much clearer. I can read better, I can see street signs better. I just don't want to wear them all the time. They are cute but it is just weird to me.

Plus vikings didn't wear glasses.

Wake early
if you want
another man's life or land.
No lamb
for the lazy wolf.
No battle's won in bed.

The old gang's in town...

What strange photos you can create with these effects. We have made vajayjays and strange penis like shapes with parts of our bodies. These pictures make my day a little better.


School's out for the summer! (sing along...) Why isn't there more money in the world for me to pay for things with... or rather why isn't everything free or just really inexpensive. Rent+insurance+school+phone+possibly new car=shit-ton-o-money. Why did my car have to shit out? And why didn't I get born into a family with outrageous amounts of money so that I could get a new car on graduation and a new car every year after that. Lame. I'm not jealous(e), just annoyed that these prissy persons can run around and not have a job (probably never had a job) and drive a nice ass car that Daddy takes care of and meanwhile I am on the hunt for second job, my dad can barely support himself and people are losing houses and gaaah. Economy sucks. It could be a lot worse. I'm done with school for like 3 weeks, then back to serious business.

dudebrah. Let's party now.

Heir to nothing.

I look drastically different now. I hope it makes me feel better about a whole lotta things. I know I sound crazy but I can't help but feel the way I feel about it/him/everything. You really do want what you can't have. It is not a good feeling when someone you care about absolutely hates you.


When I try and do something to help someone I care about it backfires. Not speaking to my parents. I did nothing wrong. All I did was try to help... but apparently my parent's business (that would affect my life) is not mine. So when something giant and tragic happens to me I guess I don't have to tell them anything. When I get arrested and get a DUI I won't tell them. Then we'll see how they feel.

Life kind of sucks when people don't like you.
Bye bye pity party.



At least school is almost over. I can't wait to be in North Carolina. Horseback riding, hiking, canoeing, swimming, biking, tubing and most of all the candy I am going to pick up in Savannah on the way up there. mmmmmm :) I can't wait to be in the middle of nowhere on my Aunt's farm thing. Ohhh and four-wheeling :) Pure happiness and pure wilderness. Expect a bunch of pictures. Ohhhhhhh I cannot wait.

Today I feel free. I don't remember the last time I felt like this. I may be sick and my chest has snot in it but I feel like a heavy weight has been lifted off of me. I don't feel like I have to run back to anyone or forward towards anyone. I am utterly content in my life.

I just want to explore.
I want to learn.
I want to absorb everything.

Once again I am sick. I feel like my immune system lacks the ability for me to stay healthy for more than a month and a half at a time. I am also ridiculously sunburned... well it has toned down a bit but it is still painful to sit up against anything.

Summer is almost here, well 3 weeks of it then school again until Fall. But I am very excited to spend a few weeks not in Florida, doing things you can't do in Florida :)


My one accomplishment for yesterday was well I had to since I was sick most of the day and didn't want to move: 1) Watched The Princess Bride for the 1st time ever in my life (idk why), 2)tie-dyed everything that I could try to without looking like a dweeb. yayaya

titties.

I just watched a video about breastfeeding 8 year olds. weird.



creepy.