My birthday was recent and I just don't understand how I am 20. I don't feel like I should be 20. I feel 16 still. I mean I am independent. I pay for everything on my own and don't ask for help. I am in college, work 5 days a week and have my own house and dog. But I still feel like a little lost kid. I am never sure of what I want in life. I want to accomplish so many things, but I also want to be done with school. I want to travel, but have no one to travel with. I want to meet people from all over the world and see all of it as well. I guess I will be lost for a while. I just feel so bad about myself when I meet people who are younger than me and seem like they are on the path they know is right and have hit no potholes along the way. How do I get like that? I am so depressed with the situation of my life. I mean day to day is just fine, I love the people I live with, nothing is particularly wrong in my life but I just don't see why my life isn't awesome. I don't have good friends anymore. Maybe 2 or 3. I don't enjoy a lot of people that I used to. I get very annoyed very easily. And I am horribly indecisive. I just want to go to work and enjoy it and come home and play with my dog. Maybe have a BBQ every once in a while. I am very okay with being alone and it frightens me.

Without you I was broken..

I've reverted back to my old solitary ways.
Working two jobs is exactly what I thought it was going to be; annoying and lots of money.
I can't decide which of the two is more important, but hopefully by the end of the summer I won't need numero dos anymore. I am just too stressed out and I really can't do this for much longer. School is just ridiculous and I can't wait for a regular semester to start again. I just want to be moved in with friends and have my dog with me and all will be well then. But I still have over a month left of this crap. Once this week is over it won't be as bad, less school work hopefully.. maybe I can get some change in my schedules that way I will work less. Oh and I miss you and you I miss a lot of you. Don't know when I'll see you next but I miss you.

And all I live for is this guy.

ding ding.

I wish I was a viking. All they had to do was be drunk, rape women and set shit on fire and handle very awesome ships. Can I get a "whoop whoop"? School didn't go as well as I thought it was going to. But it is alright, summer classes will fix everything hopefully. Look at that fine ass diaper. That is my ass soulmate. "When we move in together we will need extra wide dining room chairs." I feel like my thoughts are totally ADD. I don't normally think like that, but when I try and write anything down it comes out in a mixture of jumbled sentences. I need to get rid of all these jerks in muhh life. Bailing out on me and what not. Jerks. all of you.

My new glasses make me see things much much clearer. I can read better, I can see street signs better. I just don't want to wear them all the time. They are cute but it is just weird to me.

Plus vikings didn't wear glasses.

Wake early
if you want
another man's life or land.
No lamb
for the lazy wolf.
No battle's won in bed.

The old gang's in town...

What strange photos you can create with these effects. We have made vajayjays and strange penis like shapes with parts of our bodies. These pictures make my day a little better.


School's out for the summer! (sing along...) Why isn't there more money in the world for me to pay for things with... or rather why isn't everything free or just really inexpensive. Rent+insurance+school+phone+possibly new car=shit-ton-o-money. Why did my car have to shit out? And why didn't I get born into a family with outrageous amounts of money so that I could get a new car on graduation and a new car every year after that. Lame. I'm not jealous(e), just annoyed that these prissy persons can run around and not have a job (probably never had a job) and drive a nice ass car that Daddy takes care of and meanwhile I am on the hunt for second job, my dad can barely support himself and people are losing houses and gaaah. Economy sucks. It could be a lot worse. I'm done with school for like 3 weeks, then back to serious business.

dudebrah. Let's party now.

Heir to nothing.

I look drastically different now. I hope it makes me feel better about a whole lotta things. I know I sound crazy but I can't help but feel the way I feel about it/him/everything. You really do want what you can't have. It is not a good feeling when someone you care about absolutely hates you.


When I try and do something to help someone I care about it backfires. Not speaking to my parents. I did nothing wrong. All I did was try to help... but apparently my parent's business (that would affect my life) is not mine. So when something giant and tragic happens to me I guess I don't have to tell them anything. When I get arrested and get a DUI I won't tell them. Then we'll see how they feel.

Life kind of sucks when people don't like you.
Bye bye pity party.



At least school is almost over. I can't wait to be in North Carolina. Horseback riding, hiking, canoeing, swimming, biking, tubing and most of all the candy I am going to pick up in Savannah on the way up there. mmmmmm :) I can't wait to be in the middle of nowhere on my Aunt's farm thing. Ohhh and four-wheeling :) Pure happiness and pure wilderness. Expect a bunch of pictures. Ohhhhhhh I cannot wait.

Today I feel free. I don't remember the last time I felt like this. I may be sick and my chest has snot in it but I feel like a heavy weight has been lifted off of me. I don't feel like I have to run back to anyone or forward towards anyone. I am utterly content in my life.

I just want to explore.
I want to learn.
I want to absorb everything.

Once again I am sick. I feel like my immune system lacks the ability for me to stay healthy for more than a month and a half at a time. I am also ridiculously sunburned... well it has toned down a bit but it is still painful to sit up against anything.

Summer is almost here, well 3 weeks of it then school again until Fall. But I am very excited to spend a few weeks not in Florida, doing things you can't do in Florida :)


My one accomplishment for yesterday was well I had to since I was sick most of the day and didn't want to move: 1) Watched The Princess Bride for the 1st time ever in my life (idk why), 2)tie-dyed everything that I could try to without looking like a dweeb. yayaya