Changes. Everybody goes through them. I'm going through one. Everything is changing. The weather (hopefully), relationships, lives. I still hate school. Culinary school is a big possibility for me this summer. We will see. I am living off of redbull these days. Thank you 7-11 for being so darn close to my home. So these changes I have been speaking of... people in my life are changing roles. I seem to have lost a best friend. Well not seem to, I have. He, because of personal affections for myself, decided that a friendship could not keep working. He had to try too hard to be "just friends" and knew that I did not return the affections he had for me. (Whenever I write or say the word affections I think of Pride and Prejudice and imagine Mr. Darcy saying them outloud) So I was helpless in that situation, nothing I can do. I feel somewhat bad because I don't think about him all the time. I don't wonder if he's okay with how things are. Maybe I just feel pushed off and therefore feel like he's not worth my time. I spent years by his side. And then just kicked away ( for a good reason), so maybe my feelings are just. Maybe he will lose his feelings for me and we will be the way we once were. I don't know. I guess I am just suppose to not worry about it and live my life.
That's another change in my life. I am less worried. I have always been known as a mom. Even though I'm not. I always am prepared, worried about the time or being late or something or other. I don't care as much. I want to enjoy every moment that I have now, whether it is sleeping the day away or climbing up a mountain. I take off of work much more than I should and I do things that I normally wouldn't do. But you only live once and if I miss a few more days of work than what is acceptable so be it. I'm 20 and I hope I'm not in this same job at 30.
Changes, changes. My mom is an internet junkie now. She posts surveys and emails them to me and her other friends. Kind of like Myspace surveys. She watches youtube videos all day everyday. Sends me videos that I saw in highschool and are completely new and amazing to her. It is really cute and funny at the same time. She is using social networking sites to get in contact with her old friends and she is so excited. I am glad she has found her little niche in this new technological world.
My appearance is changing. I remember in highschool I would wear makeup everyday. I would have on crazy eye shadow color and eye liner to boot. I would have foundation, powder, blush and bronzer. And I hated the way I looked without it. These past 2 years I have progressively worn less an less makeup. I decided to put on a full face of make up the other night and found myself amazed at what I looked like. Purple eye shadow, thick eye liner and full mascara. I had so much foundation on (and it wasn't even a ridiculous amount) that you couldn't see the cute freckles I have, or the beauty marks or any definition on my face. I felt like I was inside someone elses body. It took me years to think that I was pretty. At least somewhat attractive. And that one night of make up made me feel prettier and less attractive at the same time. I felt less attractive in regards to the public view. I felt like I looked "sexier" with makeup on but felt less comfortable in my own skin. I like how I look naturally. I don't need a pound of makeup on to feel like I look nice. "Maybe she's born with it, Maybe it's Maybelline." eff you I was born with it!
I haven't ever been single for this long since I started dating. And I'm okay with it... I think. I know that I don't have the time for a relationship. That is probably what caused the last one to end. I don't have the patience for a lot of stuff especially when I know that it can easily be done the right way. And that is not directed at anyone. Just a thought. I guess the standards have been raised. I am always crushing though. Crushing hard. But nothing ever comes of it. It never feels right if anything does happen. Until a little while ago. That felt right. It felt like it should. Butterflies, anxiousness, happiness. The whole shebang. And it was unexpected. Maybe that's why it felt right. It wasn't planned out. Boring date, boring date. Nope. None of that. I like the unexpected. But will it work? Who knows. I don't know how people will feel about it. That shouldn't matter but I know it will. It always does. Will it ruin anything? I hope it doesn't and I hope that it hasn't already.
New stuff: rock climbing. I have a new obsession. I want to climb everything. I see a tree and I have the urge to climb it. I am good at it. I do need some more upper body strength though. It makes me feel accomplished and good about myself. I want to boulder. It scares me, but it looks really fun. I don't know how long it will take for me to get to that point but I want to do it. I love this whole new carefree Stacey. But I don't know if her GPA does. Nahh I think that being in a good mood makes me lucky. My professors love me and I love them regardless of whether the information is interesting or not. I think I did pretty well in my classes. Oh and look at these funny shoes. I bet they feel really weird on your feet..
